Remember this super helpful (and very long) guide we shared about the 3 D’s? We have great news to share with you: here’s part 2 of that helpful guide we mentioned at the very end, finally!
When it comes to postpartum, there’s no shortage of information sent your way, whether from well-meaning family members, parent groups on Facebook, etc.—yet take a closer look and now all this new information that’s meant to help you reads as contradictory from one sentence or comment to the next. It can become way too much to handle for that poor brain of yours!
While there is no manual of how to do the things when it comes to postpartum-based guiding birth support, there are some tips we can give you! So here you go. Here’s part 2 of our 3 D’s: your postpartum do’s, don’t’s, and delegates.
Keep in mind with these tips that you are in charge of your birth and postpartum, and not one person can demand how you care for yourself and your family.
The 3 D’s of Postpartum Support
The three D’s are for postpartum parents who feel overwhelmed by a lot of responsibility after the baby is born. Everyone wants to see the baby, the family isn’t sleeping, meals are cold, or there’s no time to cook them because of the baby’s needs. Laundry needs to be done, floors vacuumed, dishes washed and put away, groceries, toilets, etc. The list goes on, and on, and on.
Babies are an amazing tool to use for blackmail, coercion, and other wonderful things you can use them to help with the situation 😉 AKA, the three D’s.
Do: There are things in life you MUST do, like feed yourself, bathe, use the toilet, etc. We cannot get away with it…not all the time anyways. Being fed grapes and breastfeeding my baby while lounging on my couch and being fanned by palm leaves sounds like my idea of a Do that I can delegate to others.
Don’t Do: My grandmother has 2 sayings. First, children come and go, but cobwebs last forever. Second, fruit spoils, children don’t. If there are things you do not have to do, then simply don’t. So what if you have a pile of laundry, dishes to be done, etc.? You have a baby to take care of. Don’t do it. It will be there when you come out of your postpartum fog.
Delegate It: These are the things that you can ask others to do for and with you. Those little whippersnappers are cute, and everyone wants to hold them. Make sure that your family/friends know that you are in postpartum recovery and you are not accepting visitors, however, they are welcome to come over if they bring food, help with dishes, laundry, older children while you rest, recover and feed your baby.
Need some helpful ways to delegate? Everyone wants to see/hold/touch/SNIFF a baby, that’s why I say they make GREAT tools for blackmail, bribery, and mayhem. 🙂 So this is what I say:
1. Invite people over but have an ask for your sake. Food, laundry, nap, etc.
2. Write down your to-do’s and stick them on the fridge door.
3. Stay in your pajamas, letting them know you’re not accepting company and you only have x amount of time to chat…unless you change your mind, because they are EXACTLY who you need right now.
4. We can brainstorm other ways to ask for support.
It’s hard as new parents, with many mixed messages. Birth and postpartum takes a community of care so you can tend to your rest and recovery, while babies take the whole village. Postpartum doulas are helpful, and neighbours. You never know who is willing to step up and support you, as well as friends and family.
“Bring Toilet Paper”
First coined by Michelle Tyliakos (Doula, Advocate, and birth Educator, My Powerful Birth), birth instructor, spoke about postpartum support, family needs, and asking for support at a talk I attended. Asking for support can be hard to do, and it’s necessary for rest and recovery to occur, by being well taken care of. Our intention is to let people know that we all need Something.
Every family NEEEEDS something. We always run out of stuff before grocery shopping or errands day. Maybe it’s eggs, toothpaste, or toilet paper. Everyone who comes over can bring something while they are on their way if you need it.
The point is that even if it’s mundane, everyone needs toilet paper, so for those who are visiting the new baby, tell them to bring something over, groceries, food, love, and support.
“Bring toilet paper” was Michelle’s way to show that as a postpartum family you need things, something, and everyone needs toilet paper. So, if you’re reading this and you are not the postpartum person, remember that if they’re not asking, that doesn’t mean they don’t need something. So offer anything, or show up with food, diapers, or something else useful.
I remember being a new mom. Someone offered to clean my bathroom and I said NO, I have it. I wish now I had accepted the help in those early days. At the end of 3 weeks postpartum, I had hit the floor with taking care of myself like eating. Learning to breastfeed was a bitch, and I wasn’t sleeping. I had NO idea what I was really in for; even though babies and I have always been VERY well-acquainted, it’s different when you actually get to keep it.
There are always so many tiny details that can make or break this special time. No matter how prepared you are, something can still go -oops-, however if you have a sense of what you can do and who you can have do it, the -oops- can still turn out to be okay.
Prenatal Prep
I often tell clients I’m on my way over, and I have to stop at the store and grab myself a coffee. I then ask them, “Do you need anything? Groceries, coffee, a swift kick in the toosh?”
When you hire us, you will receive a workbook to go through prenatally. This workbook will start your conversations surrounding your birth and the postpartum time. The conversations will guide you to find your values and intentions during birth. Prenatally, when we meet, we will discuss what you have discovered for yourself, as well as how you can practice using the 3 D’s.
Need some more postpartum support?
We have you! If you need that extra support during your postpartum, we can be there. You can always contact us with any questions whether it’s about our 3 D’s, other photography and doula articles, our overabundance of cute fur baby and furless baby photos…you name it. Or if you feel confident in hiring our doulas for postpartum services, you can book an initial consultation here.
